On the Subject of Male Nudity

Let me preface the blog with a statement: I am by no means anything but an average man, physically speaking. I am not very muscular (although you can see some definition if I stand just so and the light hits me just right), nor am I very large (the last time I checked my body fat percentage, it bordered on anorexic. And Mom hit me).  Not counting my eyes and my boyishly charming smile that somehow never ends up in photographs, I am decidedly average in physical attractiveness.

That said, I have come to notice an odd trend. See, I live with three women. They share a bathroom, so they are frequently wandering down the hallway in a towel. And, of course, two of them occasionally wander around in just a bra or something. I don't think I've seen any of them in just panties (except for one drunken card game best left ambiguous), but I am sure they wander around like that when I am not looking.

Now, I have my own bathroom. This was not a planned decision, I just happen to have the master bedroom, 'cause no one else wanted to pay for it. So I understand that there is little reason for me to wander the house in a towel, and only slightly more reason to wander the house in my boxer-briefs (I like the support of briefs, but the freedom of boxers. Greatest invention ever). However ...

Could I? I mean, could I even get away with it? In the interest of equality, is it okay for me to come out of my room in my pajama pants, "commando style," as the kids are calling it these days, to make a sandwich?

Can I just leave my boxers lying about the house all willy-nilly, as my female roomies are wont to do with their bras? Hell, why do they feel the need to leave these things lying around? How often are these things coming off when I am not looking?

Now, I am assured by one female roommate that such is the case: I am perfectly welcome to wander the house in various states of undress. But am I? Am I really? I mean, sure: if I looked like #BradleyCooperishot, I could probably get away with it all day long.

Hell, my roommates would probably insist on it.

But I do not look like him. Comfortable as I am with by body, I make no allusions to it being some pinnacle of the male design. So would my roommates really be okay with it?

Hell, I probably could get away with it, because I am not hairy, gross, or obese. Just oddly pale. And I am perfectly okay with my body, so there's no doubt when I do it. It just seems like I would be doing it just to do it. I would be doing it just for the sense of equality and support of my fellow man, as Rosie the Riveter took up her jackhammer to make planes for her boys out in Europe! I could do it, even if I would only do it for the sake of the cause.

In fact, this ... this is a perfectly good reason to do it! This has become a call to arms!

Men! Rise up! Take back the hallways of your homes! You are fully in your right to wander about, pants flashing ass crack and hairy chests displayed to the world (you poor, hairy bastards). Tie a towl 'round your waist and grab a beer! And fear not the reproach of your female peers! Stand and be counted as being comfortable with your body, flaunt it as the women do theirs!

Equality now! For the HORDE!

Aside: My pajama pants have pockets in them. I do not understand the logic of this design.