It's Just Better When Greedo Shoots First.

I had a couple post ideas for today. But I whiled away my evening with class and Mass Effect 2. It is now one in the morning, and I don't really care for a long-winded, deep post.

This will, of course, probably end up long-winded, anyway. But not deep! Oh, no, because tonight I would like to post my thoughts on Star Wars and why it's better when Greedo shoots first!

First of all, let me just say: Like Halo and the Beatles, I find Star Wars to be very overrated. This is not to say I don't enjoy aspects of any of those three things, but I understand this opinion often invalidates anything I say about Star Wars (or Halo, or the Beatles) in the minds of many a fanboy. Or fangirl.

(Interesting. My browser's spellcheck tells me Greedo and Beatles are both misspelled, but fanboy and fangirl are actual words. How 'bout that?)

Anyway. If you're one of those fanthings (hey, spellcheck doesn't like that word!), feel free to walk away. But I'll take an RPS over Halo, Green Day over the Beatles, and Lord of the Rings over Star Wars just about always.

Still with me? Probably not, you rabid freaks. But if you are: It's just better when Greedo shoots first.

("What did he say? I can't believe he said that! And I can't believe we didn't know he was gonna say it when he made it the title of the post! Man, what a sneaky but good-looking and charming bastard!")

Settle down, kids. Put away the torches and pitchforks (where the hell do you get those, these days, anyway) and toy laser swords. It never made any sense for Han Solo to just up and shoot Greedo. And I don't give a rat's ass what invalidated Expanded Universe prequel bullshit you throw at me to prove it did.

Han Solo is not a villain. He is not the Punisher. He is not even an anti-hero (and, for clarification: I don't consider the Punisher a hero of any variety, anti- or otherwise). He's just the reluctant second-stringer. All stories have them, and he's lucky he wasn't a whiny traitor whose primary character development was redemption (sorry, Lando. But you're still cool) in addition to his reluctance.

A bounty hunter walks up to Han Solo and a fight ensues, then yes: Han Solo will shoot to win. A bounty hunter walks up for a conversation in a bar and pulls a blaster? No, Han Solo - the reluctant hero with a heart of gold - does not shoot. He kicks the table at his adversary, or throws a mug or punch after a witty but obvious (to us, anyway) distraction. When his foe pulls the trigger, THAT is when Han shoots back.

The Han who shoots first wouldn't've come back to help Luke murder a couple thousand Storm Troopers and Empire lackeys in a single, Force-infused missile strike. The Han who shoots first doesn't work for Princess Leia's affection, and doesn't care about some incestuous kiss. The Han who shoots first kills Lando for being a punk.

That's not your Han.

Greedo pulling the trigger first is much more in line with your Han, people. The character isn't new or original, and this is simply how the character is done. And don't go spouting some nonsense about how it's okay to be original and rework these age-old stereotypes in minor ways - I KNOW that's okay.

George Lucas doesn't, though. You hardcore, frothing Star Wars fans don't like to see it, but there is NOTHING original about the story of your movies (the original trilogy, I mean. There's plenty of terrible -but-relatively-original crap in the prequels). So why start with Han?

Now, that thing with Han dodging the laser beam (or blast, or shot, whatever)? THAT'S bullshit. Greedo shoulda just missed. He was shooting from the hip, and we all know that's a penalty to the attack roll, anyway. Woulda made perfect sense.