Decision Making

I feel like I should have something important to say tonight. But I do not. I'd rather not post anything emo in this blog, as that's not the point of this blog. But if this post becomes that, I apologize in advance.

Life is a series of choices, it is nothing but choices, it is what we choose and what comes of those decisions and their outcomes. I have lived a life relatively free of regret, and regret has only recently become a real factor in my life.

Well, relatively recently.

But regret has reared its ugly head, regret borne of choices I made in the name of loyalty and in the name of love. Choices made under the influence of these two reasons are, of course, the most important choices one can make in life. My philosophy on each of these things - love, loyalty, and choice - could each be posts in their own right. They likely will be, at some point. I keep meaning to come to that choice one ...

Anyway. I made the wrong the choices. And I continue to do so. At some point, I lost any love and loyalty to myself, which is a problem, since I abandoned love and loyalty to others almost entirely. And I did so in my own self interests. But someone had to be interested in my best interests, and no one else was.

I can handle anger, I can handle impatience. I can handle sadness and weakness and exhaustion mental and physical. But I have a very tough time handling regret. This is one of those things that makes me feel different from everyone else: You all seem to handle regret with relative ease.

I have trouble settling, that's the problem. And that's not something I plan on changing. But it's time to return to my roots, to a life lived for love and loyalty.

Only this time, I need to find someone worth love and loyalty, and someone willing to grant me love and loyalty in return.

Makes perfect sense, right? I mean, everyone seeks this crap. Works out fine for them, no reason it shouldn't work out fine for me.

I hope.